It seems that the storm has invaded our land. The finally clearing skies are darkening again and it seems I’m out to get wet while you grab a cup of cocoa and socialize. Of course we’ve always known that i didn’t belong, it was only time that that would show again.
It seems you’re succumbing to the warmth of indoors while I drench in the rain and struggle in this storm. Although I keep saying that it’s alright if you keep yourself safe, i don’t want to be disregarded.
I believe this storm was only ever for me. I’d ask myself about it but found nothing but darkness. I had you, I felt safe. But I was one amongst the hundreds for you. Important but weakening; blessing but a curse. You saw me break, always did, but I’d keep fighting for you. Maybe amidst those fights I didn’t notice you drift away.
The storm reminds me that you want me to know and experience how you had suffered before. Maybe that’s why in the build up to this storm you were silent. And in the rage of this storm and the slaps of the gust of wind shooting from horizon to horizon, your silence feels ever more painful.
How amusing it must sound; rage and silence together! Although your silence is mostly for me. Your silence never meant that you didn’t have things to share, it just meant that I wasn’t the one you wanted to share with. Meaning I’m not the sole soul in your life. That’s the storm in us. And here I am in this storm struggling to keep my feet on the ground.
The wind is lifting me off the ground. I’m hurting. I’m panting. I’m clawing for someone. You don’t need to. You’re warm inside. People you’ve known longer than me, who are better, and more helpful.
I’m in this storm to get thrown away and ripped apart, almost. And you know no one will come looking for me. I can see it all flash in front of me as tears escape my eyes. I have an umbrella and as the wind finally punches me, I pray your name. I perish.