Some nights I find you wrapped tightly in my arms
Like I’m afraid to let you go,
like I’m afraid of falling into sleep alone,
And some nights you let me go
After I slip into deep sleep
Like I may strangle you
With my miserable loneliness.

I wake up to find you on the cold marble floor
Like you have been slowly sliding away from me
Inch my inch
To run from me tiptoe in the very first chance you get
Like everyone did.

Some nights I put my head on your stomach
And make sure there is handkerchief in between
So I that won’t be able to soak you to your cottony core with my tears
Coz then I won’t have time to provide you the warmth of the sun to dry
As I’m hiding in the dark lately
And if I don’t
You’ll be damaged as I am.

Some nights
I let you soak everything in
The excruciating heartburn as I hold you tightly
Digging my blunt nails on your body
The fury as I punch you
Coz I’ll have to face question for the bruises later if I punch walls instead.
The scream as I cannot let anybody hear it.
And the tears, as the room is too dark to find handkerchief
And my bones are too weak to find my way to the lights.

 

Feature Illustration by Abani Malla